4 Ways to Create Depth and Improve your Relationships

We have become really good at being really shallow.

We flit around connecting more electronically from behind screens than we do in person.

We don’t make eye contact. We don’t hold eye contact.

We don’t touch each other. Handshakes are weak and flimsy. We step back to keep our distance.

This is how we treat strangers and yet it’s how we treat people close to us.

We are all craving connection.

We are wired for it from birth.

Don’t kid yourself. Just because you’ve been hurt or burned doesn’t mean you don’t. It just means you’ve become guarded and afraid.

You’re not the only one.

Everyone has been hurt. Everyone.

Can we stop walking around thinking that our wounds are unique?

Can we start having the courage to do our own personal work and fall deeply in love with ourselves so that we can fall deeply in love with others?

Let’s stop being the walking dead. Uninspired, passionless, afraid to connect, unable to love. It’s boring.

Shallow people are boring. Random acquaintances, casual sex, guarded and afraid mentalities. Boring. So boring it makes me restless and agitated. And it should for you too.

Your history of pain? Let it make you stronger. Let it build resilience. Learn from it and realize that you made it through that. Allow it to be in your history of victories. Allow it to bolster you up. If you survived that, what can’t you survive?

1. Be intentional.

It feels good to smile at people. And to be smiled at. It feels good to make eye contact and hold it for a few seconds. There’s a knowing in that. A connection that stirs, inspires, and bonds.

Stop being so afraid to go for depth.

Be nervous and uncomfortable. Let it make you feel alive. And go forward anyway – with bold words, open emotional expression.

Make this top of mind every day. Look for ways to connect with people, strangers and those you know. Focus on it. Bring awareness to it and how it makes you feel and dig into it.

2. Compliment others

Without feeling exposed. Tell people what you value in them. Tell people that you love them. Stop holding back in your life. Because if you’re doing it here, you doing it in other places as well.

People want to feel valued. Not for their physical appearance which we spend so much time focusing on but for who they are.

When was the last time you complimented someone on their character?

Think about what you value in others and when you see it speak it out loud.

This will radically change your experience with others.

Start being selective about the people you invest and spend time in. And with the ones that you choose – start going deeper.

3. Have meaningful, open, honest conversations.

Be ok with being misunderstood, even rejected.

If you can be fallibly vulnerable with others, they will start to be the same with you. No games. No guessing.

You will begin to develop relationships where you can be 100% your authentic self.

Isn’t that what you want? Yes. It’s what we all want.

Others will cherish that in you because they will be able to do the same. Our relationships will be 100% revolutionized as a result because we will be allowed to feel safe in the presence of others.

This level of authentic vulnerability is scary but essential to be fulfilled in any relationship.

We have to stop being afraid of being human with one another.

4. Let go of expectation.

No one is perfect. Accept that in others and in yourself. Stop holding grudging and expecting people to serve you or cater to you or never disappoint or hurt you.

Allow people to make mistakes and be human so that you can too.

Stop placing unrealistic expectations on other people and on relationships in general.

People are not in your life to be a custom fit for what you need. Or even what you think you want.

Our relationships are supposed to provide comfort and warmth, but they are also supposed to challenge us and encourage growth.

Stop being so afraid or resistant to people challenging you, disagreeing with you, not fitting into your perfect idea of what a friendship or relationships should look like.

Good people are rare. Healthy relationships are sadly, also rare. But both can be exquisite on our journey.

Success is nothing without the development of your character and the enriching of your own and others experiences in this life.

Your relationships are a huge component of your legacy here on earth. How you treat others is what people will remember most about you.

Start challenging yourself daily to connect in deeper ways. Feel the fear of vulnerability and dive into it anyway.

Toughen up to hurt and disappointment so that you can experience the depth of authentic connections and real love.

Instead of letting old wounds make you hard, be brave enough to find your softness.

Stop shutting people out and hiding.

Exploring this kind of depth gives you a soft place to land while you go out and be fierce and conquer your world in the rest of your ambitions.

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