How To Handle Rejection And Not Get Stuck

Rejection stings for everyone

No one is immune and we all have experienced it in some area of our lives. Multiple areas.

The job you didn’t get, the team you didn’t make, the relationship you thought you wanted, the connection you hoped you’d find.

I’ve had rejection on multiple levels. I’m no exception.

Particularly in early relationships where my personality was just too much for someone.

I’ve had to completely overhaul my career focus because of rejection because of another person’s weaknesses or insecurities or lack of self control.

I’ve had flat out rejection simply because my usefulness in that person’s life had run out – I was no longer an asset to their needs and an unnecessary leftover in their environment.

From a welcomed adored pet to an unwelcome cockroach.

It’s shitty.

Rejection sucks no matter what form it comes in.

Let’s face it – all of us will be voted off the island at some point.

And because we take it so personally it’s really hard to not let it keep you stuck and bitter.

Wallowing in resentment instead of taking action.

Recovery from rejection doesn’t take the sting away but it helps you work through it faster and more effectively.

Here’s how to take back some power and move through it.

1. Don’t fight it.

This is defensive instinct.

Asking for explanations, wanting to plead your case.

Don’t bother.

It’s a waste of breath and it weakens your self esteem.

Take a step back.

Let it happen.

You do NOT want someone in your life that needs you to state why you have value – or prove it.

You do not need someone in your life that even questions whether they want you in theirs.

Take the pain and the sense of loss in this moment and work through it.

There’s no getting around it or avoiding it.

Allow yourself to feel.

And then take back your power.

You only want people in your life that are good for you, have your best interests at heart, and are supportive for your own life goals and mission.

You only want people around that are voluntary.

Most of all, you only want people who see how amazing you are and this isn’t even an issue.

Rejecting you for any reason is off the table because you matter to them – they care about you.

Stop kidding yourself and making excuses for people.

People that care about you and really get you will never eject you from their lives.

It’s that black and white.

2. Don’t take it personally.

Easier said than done but it’s true.

A person who rejects you typically does so because of their issues, not yours.

If you get feedback in your rejection that is highlight a weakness that you need to do work on – do it.

Don’t reject the insight and miss the lesson.

But often the rejection comes because of our strengths not our weaknesses.

Rejection highlights another’s weakness, not ours.

But we take it on falsely because it’s so personal.

This isn’t about you – it’s about them.

It just feels like you.

We are often like mirrors to other people and what they reject about us or what irritates them about us is often their own junk.

Everyone should deal with their own junk but until they do, trust that this is a pattern of behaviour for them.

You aren’t the first person they’ve done this to, you won’t be the last.

Don’t feel diminished by it – but allow your placement in their leftovers instead remind you that it’s not you after all.

3. Stoke the fire.

Rejection stings and it feels wounding and we can whine and snivel about it for months.

Or years.

Great way to get and stay stuck.

Here’a better option.

Stop being afraid of your own anger.

You get to be pissed off.

You get to be hurt.

Now use it.

Get indignant.

Get fired up about the injustice.

Now direct it forward.

How will you want to have handled this when you look back at this time a year from now.

How will you want to move through this with strength and resilience.

Shoulders back, head up.

Don’t you dare shrink.

Don’t let this change who you are or reduce you.

You might have to start over. You might have loss, grief, regret, and emotional pain.

Welcome to being human.

You get to choose how to get through it and how to get over it.

Bottom line….you do NOT want flakes, manipulators, users, losers, and generally anyone that doesn’t see your value and worth in your life.

Call it a day. Say enough is enough.

Move on with a keen eye to protect against the same going forward but spend most of your energy in your rebuild.

Trust that what is meant for you won’t leave you behind. There are better opportunities, relationships, employers, and friends meant for your life. You need to let these go. And never go back and pick them up. No begging allowed. Feel it. Move through it. DECIDE to be courageous and channel your hurt into positive direction and action moving forward. You got this. You’ll also really appreciate the new people that come into your life that grow to adore you and realize it’s a privilege to be in your life. Live your life worthy of that and leave the rest behind. You’re already far above them and beyond the limitations of their weakness.

Stuck in rejection and can’t let it go? Check in with me here at tara@westkelownacounselling.com

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