Removing Drama from Your Life. The Four Agreements

Why I think everyone should read this book and integrate these principles into their lives.  The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is based on the idea that we make conscious or unconscious agreements with ourselves that form our self concept and how we interact in the world. Often the agreements we make are based on defence mechanisms or framed by ego and add drama, complication and disconnection in our relationships with others.

Replacing old agreements with these four will reduce drama and misunderstandings, contextualize hurt feelings, keep your ego at check and overall offer a deepening of connection in your relationships. These four basic principles are revolutionary if we can keep them in mind. It’s a no-excuses, easy read and one that I recommend to everyone.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Speak with integrity. Be thoughtful. Considerate. Relevant. Direct. Are you saying what you mean?
Use your words for positive to build people up and not to tear them down. Avoid gossip. Speak truth with love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally.

How people treat us has nothing to do with us – it’s all about them and their issues. Hurt people – hurt people. This has nothing to do with you. Separate how other people treat us and what we deserve. Take yourself out of your own ego to realize it’s not about you. If you take things personally or feel easily and regularly wounded, start learning about this agreement and start doing the work to get it in check.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions.
With so much of our communication being electronically based  – much of how we receive and interpret information is based on assumption as the brain tries to fill in the blanks to provide meaning in the absence of non verbal cues, tone, inflection, etc . We already know that perception is not truth and this is a growing area where misunderstandings and miscommunications are occurring daily.

This agreement holds hands with taking things personally because it’s all based in how we are framing it. Give this area some attention. Stop reacting and disconnecting from people because you’re easily offended. Be courageous enough to get clarity and truth in our conversations. This is one of the biggest areas that will transform your interactions with other people and deepen your relationships.

4. Always Do Your Best. Live with authenticity, be genuine. This agreement eliminates regret. In any given situation if you know you are always giving your best in that moment, you can take success or failure in stride. This is one agreement that gives peace of mind.

We need to start creating positive, meaningful agreements with ourselves and allowing those to transform our lives and relationships.

Have you read the book? Which of these were the most meaningful for you? Which have been the most challenging? I’d love to hear from you on this. tara@westkelownacounselling.com

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