Stop trying to please everyone. Some people just hate peaches.

 

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

We can work on being the best versions of ourselves in this life in all the areas that are important to us and still that won’t be good enough for someone. Or at least we might not feel good enough. And this can be confusing…. what do you mean you don’t like me? what do you mean you don’t want to spend time with me? I’m freaking delightful?!!!

And it’s true. And you are. But the truth is that you aren’t for everyone, and neither am I. It’s crazy-making to second guess every thing you’ve said or done in your relationships with other people and still have people not like you or even outright reject you.

We know if therapy that 80% of the success people have is a result of the therapeutic relationships – it’s not the modality or the other tools used – it’s the resonance within the sessions between two people. You come in and feel safe and beyond that you feel like I get you. You feel seen – accurately. This is rare. And unfortunately many of us don’t have enough of that in our personal lives. If we did, we would heal from and ride out overwhelming events in our lives much easier.

This is also why some therapists are just not a good fit for you. I don’t take it personally – I do work to be the ripest, juiciest peach – but you might hate peaches. Or part of the peach. My mannerisms, how I look, how I talk, my sense of humour… beyond my modality which some people don’t like – there might be something about me that triggers you, or that you find weird or obnoxious and I get it and it’s ok. It won’t work if you don’t like peaches and I can’t change to suit what you want from me. So, we can find you another fruit.

Outside of this profession, or any other, the same holds true in your personal life.

Not everyone is going to like you. And that’s ok – why would you want to try and force or convince someone to when what you really want are people that are naturally drawn to your unique energy, character, and personality?

The right people for you will get you, appreciate you, love you, see you – to varying degrees.  These people make up for the hundreds of others that don’t like peaches.

Innoculate yourself against being so concerned with the opinions of others by switching the focus to the work you need to do on yourself. People pleasing is a distraction from the real work we need to do on ourselves. As well, it’s either serving someone else’s ego or your own and is a set up for failure.

Don’t go looking for peach lovers – just focus on being the best, most authentic, version of yourself that you can. Continue to do your own work, value yourself, take care of yourself and focus on what you need to do in this life to feel proud, satisfied, successful. And be open to new people in your life, be aware of what it looks like to be seen – know what a peach lover looks like, but don’t go hunting. Be the best peach and trust the right ones will find you.

You can’t please everyone. Stop trying. It’s exhausting.

Be the best evolving version of yourself and know that the right people will love you just as you are. Don’t waste time on anyone else.  When you get disappointed because suddenly someone likes a different fruit, don’t be discouraged and allow yourself to regress back into old patterns of trying to convince them otherwise. Pick yourself up and keep going. Remember – most people’s behaviour has nothing to do with you anyway.

You can’t be all things to all people and you need to stop trying or have your self esteem start to crumble. Accept that you’re not for everyone and start focusing more on who you are right for. You need to be bold and start letting this go. Change your focus and move forward – do things that build you up and make you feel proud of yourself and let the rest go.

Stick with people that love peaches and be the ripest, juiciest one they can find.